Change affects us all in everyday life, some in which we can avoid and others in which we cannot, and some we must make for our well-being. We can learn to accept change by identifying what kind it is and how we can optimally respond to it. Being parallel to reality will bring us great sagacity and authority in our lives.
An avoidable change consists of something we have control over, and that, if we do not wish to experience this change, we can choose to have an impact on the outcome. Our response to responsibility will result in the conclusion of a possible unwanted change. If we choose to quit our job when we are in an emotional mind state and refuse to pay our bills due to our stubborn reluctance to apologize/seek another job, we may lose our living arrangements. In a situation like that, we have full control. We could’ve chosen to take our consequences but fundamentally decide to still rise from it with something positive and stable; enough to maintain our life, which is a priority recovery goal. These avoidable changes are some we can learn from in our past, or from others, and we must apply methods to evidently AVOID them in the end. Being stubborn will never release us from our toxic effect on our life.
An inevitable change is a natural life occurrence, and is something that is out of our control. A death or our parents divorcing are not things we are to be responsible for. No matter what we do or what we “could’ve/should’ve/would’ve done”, nothing could have changed the outcome. We were not apart of someone else’s decision, nor should we feel like we are. They may blame us out of anger and instability, but it truly will and has never been our fault, even if it was verbalized by the person who made the decision. People will pass the blame onto anybody that is vulnerable enough to receive and internalize that blame, as well as someone they love dearly, taking their pain away from them. Their accusations have nothing to do with us either. Life happens, and it’s okay to accept that it does.
These changes can be avoided, but these are the decisions we make for ourselves to see a better day and to feel ultimately content. A change like this may feel impossible as it is us finally saying “NO!” or “YES!” to something that was so comfortable/uncomfortable to us. No, we cannot have “just one drink”. No, we can’t cut ourselves, even if we’ve had a big breakup or someone told us we should. No, we shouldn’t pick our skin or pull our hair because we are anxious. Yes, we should have breakfast and nourish our bodies. Yes, we should go for a walk to the beach in the sun (don’t forget that sunscreen!). Yes, we can distance ourselves from people that are harming our recovery. We must choose what will be beneficial to our recovery and what will, in the end, give us the best results and the happiest life.
Accepting these 3 types of changes can help us understand and rationalize our situations, and seek to make the best out of them. We must respect that we are not always the cause, and when we are, we can control the outcome. Understanding this will provide us wisdom to desire our ultimate success. We can dominate the downers in our life, and be stable doing it.