This is going to be as raw as it gets. I just need to get this overwhelming situation off my mind since I don’t really have anyone to talk to.
I made a blog post that offended the masses with Borderline because they took it the wrong way. I changed the title and thumbnail, but after working several hours on it, decided to keep it posted. Many parents thought I was insulting their parenthood; my post was geared at those thinking about having children, and encouraging that they wait a little while longer until they are settled with their recovery.
Not to mention, several from this group of people wanted to see blog posts on parenting, and because I am not a parent, I chose not to blog about it. I finally found a subject I stood by, and wanted to write about that involved parenthood. It was positive and was to encourage recovery to up and coming mothers and fathers, not to belittle the ones who are already parents.
I tried to put it behind me. I turned off notifications, but the comments were still existent. I’m human. I made the mistake of looking at the comments again, and boy, was I wounded. I also have Borderline, and am recovering, but these comments got private and became an attack on me.
People commented that my article was disgusting, that I was cruel (I reposted it after an admin deleted my post, which I would’ve understood had I gotten a message with a warning), people were putting me down, telling me that I wrote poorly (writing is my dream career), and overall disrespected me. I was cursed at, and I can’t post in the group anymore in fear that I will be attacked. Someone even tried to comment on my choice to be vegan because my vegan posts are public, and that I have Jeffrey Dahmer (the subject of my new novel) as my cover photo as some form of contradiction or proof that I’m messed up.
I try to remain professional, but I am a person, and I struggle with my mental illnesses. And, right now, this drama is killing me.
Right now, I have to be selfish. This is my recovery, and my blog. And to be frank and honest, I feel depressed, I want to self-harm and I would even consider suicide if I had the means. This is striking the wrong cords and ruining the confidence I had left.
I’m trying to consider that these individuals also have BPD, and that we are in different stages of recovery. Some don’t want to recover, and others do, but it’s becoming painful to watch people hurt so badly over an opinion or a blog post that was delivered to encourage recovery.
Like all of you sufferers with BPD, I experience intense emotions, struggle with self destruction and am just trying to get through the day.
Sloth Speed Recovery tries to encourage recovery at all costs. No matter what we do, we will never discourage someone on purpose. The articles available here are self-help, information about mental illnesses, personal experiences and help for family members/spouses.
I never meant to hurt anyone, and right now, I am the one hurting.
I apologize to those I offended and hurt, but that wasn’t the intention. It truly was to encourage a recovery lifestyle. It will remain posted because I have to stand behind my decision. I altered the title to soften it, but it didn’t seem to help. I take responsibility for my work, but I am also proud of the articles I put out.
To those who have been supportive through this situation, and have been consistent readers, I love you all. Without you, I probably would lose motivation, and would’ve fallen off the recovery path tonight, but I can’t. I value my life and self-worth much more than to do that to myself, and to you. Thank you for believing in me. I will continue to publish articles, though I may take a brief break after this hump.