9 Things You Need to Understand About Borderline Personality Disorder

9 things you need to understand about borderline personality disorder bpd www.slothspeedrecovery.wordpress.com sloth speed recovery

It is necessary to state that not all diagnosed BPD patients are the same. Most statements will resonate with the majority of diagnosed individuals, but not all. Every experience differs, and all of our pasts and paths are diverse. These are very common and basic statements about the disorder.

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Borderline Personality Disorder, otherwise known as BPD, is a serious mental illness characterized by the inability to regulate emotions. Some common traits or symptoms borderline-personality-disorderinclude:

  • Fear of abandonment
  • Unstable interpersonal relationships (with idealization and devaluation)
  • Identity disturbance and low perception of self-worth
  • Impulsive behaviours (risky sex, drugs, overspending, etc)
  • Self harm and suicidal tendencies
  • Reactive and difficulty controlling emotions, especially anger
  • Emptiness
  • Paranoia and disassociation

Borderline Personality Disorder has acquired plenty of negative connotations over the years, with some mental health professionals reluctant to treat it based on the intensity of the patient’s threats, reactions and, sometimes, lack of desire to get better. Some people who have associated with individuals diagnosed with BPD may not understand and, within discussions regarding the topic, furthering the stigma.

As diagnosed BPD individuals, we are not perceived positively. People tend to avoid us because of our intense emotions and emotional episodes. As much as we may try to explain ourselves, we are often misunderstood  or not taken seriously. We may desperately try to express our distress to you, without knowing how to go about it. Some of us don’t quite understand our disorder yet and may not know that our explosive or sensitive reactions are distinguished in this disorder, thus having no capabilities to explain ourselves to you.

Explaining our behaviours by stating we have Borderline Personality Disorder is an explanation, not an excuse.

I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me


We find it very complicated to be in a stable relationship, seeing as our life patterns demonstrate someone loving us, remaining for a while and then abandoning us. We push and shove in response to our overwhelming emotions, trying to abandon you before you are able to abandon us. We constantly fear being left by the ones we love and we find it more beneficial to our emotional stability if we do it first. We convince ourselves that the blame cannot be put on us, even though we recall our behaviour later on and blame ourselves for causing you to leave.

We cannot live with you or without you, and it is a constant battle in our minds. We try to deduct whether it’s more beneficial to have you in our lives or not. At times, we think we have our mind made up, until we realize we want the opposite minutes later.

Think of the old concept introduced to kindergartners; “boys bully you because they like you.” (Extremely sexist, but wait for it.) BPD can sometimes make us act like those little boys. We do not have the means to express our affection to you, nor do we comprehend it, thus we violently lash out. We get the most violent with the ones we love and appreciate the most. It’s awful to say, but if we are treating you like this, we probably love you very, very much. We blame you for the potency of our emotions, and being loved is out ultimate fear. In response, subconsciously, we will cuss and push you away until you leave.



Emotional Instability, Intensities and Outbursts

A main symptom of the disorder is emotional instability and mood swings. As much as we may try to control our emotions, they always seem just past arms’ length. We go from ecstatic to depressed in moments, and it can leave us utterly exhausted. We struggle with the maintenance of any particular long term emotion; contentment can last a few hours and it can be followed by exaggerated anger.

In response to the ferocious mental storm, we violently react with outbursts and painful statements. We can become physically abusive as well as emotional and mental, trying to spike you with similar pain that we feel. Our outbursts can be brief or elongated, lasting up to a few hours. The extreme emotional implications can even lead us to self harm or a suicide attempt.


Sensitivity and Overreacting

It is no secret that we are on the more sensitive side of the spectrum of people. A comment you make that someone else could  disregard or be caught off guard can drive us into a frenzy. Our sensitivity is heightened along with our emotions and, though what we are hurt by may seem silly to you, it is very real and traumatizing to us. There are events and situations that we will not forget because of their extreme sensitivity content and the overload we felt.

An empty comment can be spun out of context with our skewed perception of reality, assuming you’ve observed a trait in us you don’t like, or we aren’t attractive enough, etc. and even if what we heard is not what you had said or what you intended, we create our own reality to make it true.

In retort, we may lash out or bawl, taking an extreme stance, and though it may seem like overreacting, it is valid to us and comprehensible. We felt so hurt by something and our only ability to cope is to lose it in one way or another.You may perceive it as unnecessary but it is our process for coping and we require love and support. In these times, we are in need of an apology and comfort from you.


Boredom and Emptiness


Borderline is often unstable, with periods of highs and lows, and some switching quickly between the two. It keeps us very busy, I’m sure you can imagine. We are so encompassed in this constant whirlwind that, when it calms down, suddenly we are hit with boredom.

Boredom often gets misinterpreted in our minds as depression or sadness, and can evidently lead to self harm and suicidal behaviours. The stillness leads our thoughts in a negative direction, and the self-deprecating notions become repeated in our minds, woven one over the other. (“You’re useless.”, “You’re lazy”, “You never stop wasting your time.”) When nothing is going on and we are chaos free, we are unsure as to what we should do with ourselves, and we can sense a great deal of emptiness and dissatisfaction. Without being kept busy with a hobby, we misinterpret the boredom and the intensity escalates until we lose control and have an episode. We want to have that time and those feelings filled with activities that work our minds and keep our thought process busy. Without occupying the thought process, we can quickly become consumed by our own self hatred and low self esteem.


Relationship Struggles

The inability to maintain a stable relationship is very common. These relationships can be family oriented, friendships and romantic or sexual relationships.

A thing to remember is the sensitivities and intensities felt by an individual diagnosed with BPD; any comment made gets held to heart, whether it’s kind or mean. Your opinion is held at high standard and can make or break the individual’s day/week/month/year.

Being in a relationship, we often assume we will be left, being a common pattern we have been exposed to. We assume it is a life pattern that will always follow us, and instead of riding the waves, small or large with you, we subconsciously push you away and leave you before you can leave us. In our mind, it is a way to break the pattern; “you can’t leave me if I’ve already left you”. Any stillness in the relationship is perceived as boring and can somehow be misinterpreted by you not meeting our needs or not understanding us, or even not loving us enough. We have not been exposed to much relax and thus, do not have much experience with coping with it, but we do know chaos and roller coasters. In our inability to cope, we will take you for that ride down the slope.

We desperately want to have a happy relationship but we are not always in control, and to be loved. We face episodes where our mouthes and emotions completely disconnect from our morality and usual conversations. We do not want to hurt you, but we are terrified of being loved. It’s a foreign concept in our minds. We try to keep ourselves together but we loosen at the seams and become explosive. And at times, in our angry episodes, we want you angry too, because then we aren’t alone and you, too, are taking the roller coaster ride with us.

Despite the chaos and rides we will take you on, and as silly as it may sound, we do it because we love you.


Skewed Perception of Reality

Though reality is altered from one person to the next, most people are still living within the facts or slight exaggeration of them. With BPD, our reality is concentrated on emotions and fears. For example, if we are scared you will abandon us, we will act as if it is current and live in that chaos. Or, let’s say we feel ugly, we may assume that our loved ones believe it and torment ourselves to not feel this way. And if our fears aren’t real enough, we create them and make them reality.

Our perception of reality is often skewed and can confuse our surroundings. Though we may not be psychotics, we may have delusions and paranoia. They may not be the commonly known heard voices as seen in schizophrenics and patients with psychosis, but they alter our sense of reality and fog the facts.

Our assumptions can go from being just that and escalate to being “reality” as we associate clues and events to our prejudged conclusion. All of our clues, though inaccurate or unrelated, soon become the full reason or description for a situation.

A misheard sentence from your mouth can make us frantic; you may claim you said one thing but we heard another, and it wasn’t a good thing. Suddenly, we believe it; we have proof and evidence that it is all true and you meant what we thought we heard.


Identity Crises


We lose touch with who we are in the process of understanding our disorder, mental illness and wanting to be someone entirely different. We may label ourselves as BEING the disorder or change from one type of person to the next. We act like chameleons and study our peers to be accepted and wanted by them. We perceive fitting in as a sense of validation and self worth. Some individuals will be entirely different when they are at home, compared to work, compared to with a romantic partner. We study and dictate what we want to put on show for specific people, trying to find a way to integrate and not be left.

We discern our being as unlovable, dictated by the demonstrations in our past, and we cannot imagine anybody loving us for our true selves, not to mention the chaos that is this disorder. We will hide behind as many masks and in as many costumes so that you may not break that barrier and unleash us out of our comfort zone. We would prefer putting our best traits on display.


Self Harm, Suicide and Threats

A common lead to diagnosis is self harm and suicidal tendencies. Many adolescents get diagnosed before they are deemed able to be diagnosed because of this, mixed with unstable teenage emotions that worsen in stages of puberty.

Self harm is our expression of the overwhelming emotions that overtake our bodies and minds. It is our way of physically creating our pain; painting it out, if you will. Self mutilation is not just the act of cutting, it also includes:

  • Burning
  • Starvation/Bingeing/Purging (Disordered Eating behaviours)
  • Scratching
  • Suicide attempts
  • Overdoses
  • Illegal and recreational drugs
  • Alcohol
  • Trichotillomania/Dermatillomania (and other Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviours)
  • Etc.

Some of us do it to feel alive, others for control, on impulse, or to scare. (Whether a person is doing it to scare or for any other reason, it is still valid and still dictates a problem, just a different type of problem. In the end, it is still self mutilation, which is unleashing physical pain onto ourselves to cope with emotions.)

It is important to not judge the individual for this expression. It is a maladpative coping strategy and eventually grows to be addictive, as the acts release endorphins, tricking our brains. For the time being, it does work. It isn’t healthy, nor is it worth it, but the individual may have not come to that realization yet. Without desire to recover, it is still recognized as functional by the one self mutilating. Prying and trying to stop the behaviour can worsen the outcome, leading them into intense emotions where they feel they may have to do it again to find release.

Trying to be understanding and supportive, offering positive coping strategies,  hobbiesroutine and helping to create a coping kit with them can guide them on the right path. It will take a lot of time, but the diagnosed BPD patient must eventually learn to self regulate and should be granted years for this process.

Though we may not be trying to kill ourselves by using these negative coping strategies, they can have negative repercussions. The beahviours can become quite severe and may require medical attention, which is important to seek out when needed. The emotions we feel can escalate drastically, requiring us to get stitches or getting our stomach’s pumped, and should be supervised. It is important to ensure all wounds are kept clean and are covered to avoid STDs and other blood transmitted diseases.

Suicide attempts and threats should be taken very seriously, but it is very crucial to note that mental health professionals prefer to avoid hospitalizations for us and so, we can be left on our own. Many of us do not properly use hospital stays properly, often getting involved in other people’s problems or becoming aggressive with staff, feeling the assistance is unhelpful, and disrupting other people’s stays. It is a very sad truth, and we may be turned away when requesting to be hospitalized for these reasons. (It is also very important to recognize that being turned away can spiral emotions downwards, and skewing their perception of reality. They may think “Well, if they don’t think I’m suicidal enough, I’ll prove it.”, and this can be a very dangerous thought process. Ultimately, it is preferred to avoid trying to get hospitalized, which will lessen the trauma.)

The threats can be made to express great deal of distress and serious desire to take one’s life, and it can also be to scare and receive sympathy from loved ones and medical attention. The emotions are intense, and we may threat when they have escalated passed our capacity of withholding them. To us, it is very real. We truly believe we are ready to take our own lives, and though it may be a threat and we may not fully act upon it, our feelings are serious and can lead to the act if overwhelmed.

They will need extra support and will require professional attention from a counselor or therapist who is knowledgeable in  Borderline. Offer support, do not fall into stigma and try to be understanding of the chaos.


It is a Disorder but we are NOT Hopeless


Though this is a long lasting disorder, we CAN recover. The recovery path consists of self regulation and understanding. We must practice mindfulness and positive coping strategies to keep ourselves in line. We are not entirely in control of the behaviours; they are just learned patterns. The treatment of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy will offer us the tools to acquire that content and stable life.

A popular choice for those who cannot afford, nor find a professional or service that specializes in DBT can look into the Out of Control; DBT CBT Workbook, which offers diagrams, activities and simple explanations to many, if not all, common Borderline Personality Disorder behaviours. The tools must be continuously practiced, or relapse is inevitable to occur.

Many will give up on us, but I can assure you that if you stick around to watch us get better, you will not regret it. One day, we will know peace, stability and even happiness, as long as we work hard at it.


My Loved One Is Parasuicidal (Parasuicide and BPD)

parasuicide and bpd borderline personality disorder www.slothspeedrecovery.wordpress.com sloth speed recovery

There are times when our lives get out of order and our decently stable environment unravels. We may have an intense life occurrence or we reminiscence on some horrible experiences, but either way, we are left trying to make sense of it and to cope with the chaos around us. A mentally healthy individual may have minimal difficulty, but for those with the Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis, this can be hell.

In times of fear of lack of control, parasuicidal behaviours could be exercised by one in major turmoil. Parasuicidal being defined by the act of self harm or suicide attempt with no end goal of killing oneself. The individual participating in these may not care if they die in the process, but they do not exactly wish to harm themselves to that extremity.

A good portion of those with a borderline personality disorder diagnosis may take this to the ultimate extreme, losing entire control of their behaviour, or choosing to let their emotions take over. The intensity in which they feel natural emotions can bring to the brim of what they believe they are capable of enduring. The idealistics of someone with this diagnosis, especially those with a strong form of it, may be using this unhealthy coping mechanism because of the following:

Lack of control. A lack of control to one struggling with this diagnosis may lead them to practicing parasuicidal behaviours, sometimes just self harm which can have no relation to parasuicide, to gain what they feel is missing. The behaviour may give them a sense of satisfaction or gratification, giving them the feeling of power. For that moment, they have all the control in the world. Whatever they do, they made that decision and they can be responsible for the intensity of their actions. The concept of making a decision, living it through and seeing the consequences can feed that fear of lacking control. They may lead themselves to fear if they hurt themselves passed what they had originally intended, or be upset with themselves if they didn’t attain their “goal”, and in this fright, they may seek control by scaring those around them.

Negative Life Events. An upsetting life event is natural, unpredictable and out of the hands of the “victim”. A relative being diagnosed with cancer or a suicide close to us isn’t our responsibility, though one may blame themselves, and to justify this, they may practice violent acts towards their bodies. Their goal may be to numb the pain or bring forth the pain on themselves, and at times, to gain sympathy from those around them.

Reminiscing. Reminiscing on past traumatic events leads the individual into a dramatic thought process. They will ponder on experiences, evaluate what they could’ve done better, where they went wrong and may sugar coat or diminish an individual party entirely based on their thoughts. This may lead them to reevaluate their decisions around that individual and seek some type of truth, even if they’ve already found it. They will want immediate responses and will create a castle of terror for themselves. This could even bring them to reinvite abusive partners into their lives, further harming themselves, and they will do everything in their power to make it work to not be alone and to align their perception of events and their hopes of that individual.

Triggering comments. “This will show them!” Sound/seem familiar? That’s because a triggering comment can hurt them, throw them into an intense emotion, and they may seek vengeance and revenge. Sometimes, they take the remark too personally and create a whole new world of horror. Maybe if they self harm or take dozens of pills, the “culprit” may be held liable for their actions. They use this to blame and target that individual and cause them the same, if not more pain for their actions. It’s almost like having the last word. If practiced around family, members may feel like they are walking on eggshells, trying to avoid offending them so they don’t end up self harming or landing themselves in the hospital.

Loneliness and Boredom. Boredom is like a traumatic event for people with borderline. Suddenly, things are stable or relaxed, their hands aren’t busy, things and thoughts aren’t racing and they may consider themselves lazy. In response, to get things going, they convince themselves that a parasuicidal act may be the answer to these feelings. They may even mistake boredom and loneliness for sadness and react as if it were true. Loneliness is perceived as abandonment and they shake things up to make people “come back.” They must keep busy, attend recovery groups and try to avoid these behaviours, knowing they won’t benefit them in any way.

Scare loved ones. This concept is mainly to be in control. By doing such violent things to themselves, they may feel they have control over you and your emotions. They can predict how you’ll react and they want to tell you because your fear could mean love and care in their eyes. It’s almost a test. How far can they push it? And if they don’t get the reaction they want, they make themselves worse. They will freak out and feel invalidated; making accusations that their loved ones just don’t care about them. That fear they can implant is such a strong form of power and they will abuse it until it runs out.

“They’ll love me when…” The main borderline trait is a fear of abandonment; seeking love is the result of that. They have noticed that when they are in a specific state, “everybody comes back.” They will take their already deteriorated and ill state and bring it to the extreme. If they are suffering from an eating disorder, that may be dropping 10 more pounds really quick. It could be a suicide attempt, believing that death will bring them love, or even just being hospitalized. The impulse thought tricks them into believing a total lie. They want the world to stop because things are too chaotic. They can’t possibly understand how “everyone” is so okay with the world, that they can cope with all these unbelievable experiences and come out okay. “They’ll love me when…” is a self-fulfilling prophecy that is very complicated to escape. Once it’s implanted, even through a good period, they may turn to that. It gives them a sense of validation and dominance when they notice that it “worked”. Suddenly, they are sick enough for treatment and they will have the support of family members that had been distant for a period.

Though being parasuicidal often leads someone to seek love and attention, it shouldn’t be seen in a negative way. That individual is trying to gain control of themselves and cope with their turmoil. At times, they lose complete control and may even feel a disconnect from their speech. They  will speak from the heart and try to feel less alone, as the chaos isolates them. They ultimately seek someone to love them and reassure them everything will be okay. Participating in this with your loved one may not be the healthiest thing you can do for them, as you could be feeding a rollercoaster that will persistently worsen.

It is not their fault, most of the time. Even when they forcefully try to worsen themselves, it still isn’t their fault. They must take responsibility for their actions and understand they were taught or demonstrated this behaviour and that control will come if they work on it and break it.

What to do now? As for advice, do not join them in the chaos. That is the worst thing that you can do for them. Be objective. Teach them they can handle being alone and that stability is not the enemy. Be there to support them, but do not be their dance partner. Remind them that things will be okay. Remind them that you will not abandon them, that you love them and that they need help. Encourage them to go to group sessions and get themselves out there. It cannot be stressed enough that they should be using the The Out-Of-Control (DBT-CBT Workbook) and need to complete it.

There is hope and they will gain control. They need to work at it. Recovery is possible.

On a personal note, I am guilty of all of these, and even in my recovery, I still participate in these. The outbursts are a lot further in between and I’m learning to keep some things to myself in order not to use someone’s fear as my control. I am learning that healthy relationships just don’t work that way.

Not everyone with borderline personality disorder or with a mental illness will display these actions as every mental illness affects people in different ways. And not fitting into these categories doesn’t diminish your mental illness in any way.





7 Everyday Tasks To Improve Your Mental Health

marge simpson taking a bath 7 everyday tasks to improve your mental health www.slothspeedrecovery.wordpress.com sloth speed recovery

When we suffer from mental illness, everyday tasks can just be forgotten or we do not find the energy or willpower to complete them. Sometimes, we may fool ourselves into thinking we can’t do it, but we can, and we should force ourselves to complete them. Little goals give us a sense of accomplishment and motivation, so why not set them?

Wake Up. It is important to wake up and get out of bed every single morning, no matter how we feel. Optimism for the day, even if we feel awful upon awakening, can turn our whole day around! To help productivity, set an early waking time as we are more productive in the morning hours. Get a good start to your day by offering this to yourself.

Breakfast. Whether you struggle from an eating disorder or not, eating can seem like a mundane task or a struggle. We are worthy of a healthy and hearty breakfast. Start your day of with juicy fruits such as watermelon, berries and mangoes; these fruits will help hydrate you and make you feel great. Have some bananas on the side as well.

If you have a hard time eating foods, it could be beneficial to have a smoothie instead. Use water to liquefy it. Make sure you drink it all!

It is key to note that eggs and bacon won’t be beneficial to you as they are mainly fats and oils, which will drag you down and cause sluggishness during the day, so choose wisely!

Hygiene. Maintaining hygiene can improve your view on life and yourself. Take showers in the morning for a good ol’ wake up call; bringing you to an alert and focused state. Brush your teeth, floss, brush your hair… Anything to help your hygiene and your overall health. You’ll thank yourself later!

Get Dressed. Put on some nice, clean clothes that you feel confident it. Your outfit can boost your self-esteem throughout the day and cause you to seem more approachable. Make sure to wear that pretty/handsome smile!

Clean. Give yourself 15 minutes during the day to tidy up your living space. You will be able to maintain a clean home and give yourself a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes, when our home is dirty, we become more depressed and we may feel our life is a mess, too. Give yourself this time to make Your space more comfortable. And, don’t forget to do your dishes every single day!

Exercise. Put time aside to get your body moving. A simple walk will do, but going for a bike ride, a run or to the gym could help even more. Do whatever makes you feel will work, but work out of your comfort zone to push yourself and accomplish more every day.

Write About Progress. You should be documenting your progress daily so you may eventually observe self-progression. Give yourself check boxes to fill out weekly (or monthly/yearly) and identify your emotions that day. You could journal about them or just have a page on your fridge.

Each day is a new day you can use to better yourself and accomplish different things. You are worthy of the benefits all of these will bring. So, get out there and make little goals!



A New Day

a new day sloth speed recovery www.slothspeedrecovery.wordpress.com open field

The feeling of being enveloped in our bed in fear seems all too familiar when we weren’t committed to a recovery lifestyle. Our blinds shut, our blankets over our heads and our tears pouring out of the gates that held them. We did not want to face the day; our fears of our anxiety intertwining into a crippling loss of our own precious lives. Days were wasted away in toxic melancholy we wanted to abandon, but could not even consider departing. But guess what… It’s a new day.

Today is a day of recovery. We have disregarded the concept of being curled up in a croissant of sheets and have made the decision to move on. We will accomplish wondrous things with the hours ahead of us. We will no longer lose ourselves in a midst of pain and waste. We will no longer feel compelled to harm our beautiful bodies. We have chosen life and the quality of our life. We want to see better days and create memories, but to do this, we must construct finer times. We will put so much effort into ourselves, because we are worth it and are entirely deserving.

Today, I wake up strong. I choose to nourish my own life and develop myself further into the person I hope I can become one day. I will dress myself well and eat at least one  hearty meal. With a smile on my face, I will leave my own home into the streets and to my destination. I am allowed to love my body, my flaws and my imperfections. On this day, every selection will benefit my recovery. I will remind myself of how amazing I am, how far I’ve come and that I’m not stopping there. Oh no! I’m running the mile and winning in first place. This is my race and my success. I will acknowledge the beauty that surrounds me and become a part of it. I will create with the depth of my heart and the complex aspects of my brain. I will dance in the presence of starlight and embrace every star that fills my sky.

On this new day, I understand my value and my impact on this Earth. I am aware of the people that love me and what I mean to them. I sense contentment with the fact that my body has not left me and that I am mobile. I am thankful for the lessons I have learned, despite they were from the darkest of my experiences. I can comprehend that my past behaviours were influenced by emotions and that I will continue to make changes to progress. I do not desire to harm my body as it has been my best friend through my entire ordeal. I have a positive outlook on my existence and am glad I did not lose it when I had wanted to.

On this new day, I choose recovery and I will make it. Just you watch.


“Trying is the First Step Towards Failure”

As an avid fan of The Simpsons, I know this quote all too well. It airs in the 1997 episode Realty Bites; Homer is cutting into his food as he speaks with Marge and, slips himself into his plate, splattering his delicious mashed potatoes and peas all over the table. It was an iconically funny scene and this quote gained popularity on social media platforms and within the fanbase. The image above actually was slapped onto some Nintendo DS cases, and my brother had one!

But, is trying really the first step towards failure? The honest answer… Yes. But, it’s also the first step towards well being, health and anything else we want to accomplish in our everyday lives. This action can lead us to many different roads of happiness and fulfillment; bringing us into a new outlook with confidence in ourselves. Trying can lead us to success and failure, though the rewards from our successes and lessons from our failures are much too valuable to discard for often-used maladaptive coping strategies, and temporary relief. We are lost in the overwhelming nature of our negative thoughts. If I don’t try, I will never fail. Accurate. But you will also never get your driver’s license, never buy a house, never earn a promotion, never earn enough money for a fancy dou-dad you’ve been drooling over… Nor will you ever be satisfied with yourself and the outcomes of your decisions. Not to mention maintain any of these you’ve already acquired.

We may believe that things were/are, in some sense, easier when we were off the recovery path. We were practicing old but “effective” habits that were destroying us in entirety.  They worked quickly, though temporarily. Our problems spiraled and they worsened, causing us to develop addictions and dependencies we thought we would never get ourselves out of unless we were no longer a being. Family and friends were pushed away by our negative behaviours, leaving us to feel alone and lost. Some of us are scarred up, have damaged organs or brains, no longer have somewhere to live, are unemployed, etc. These coping strategies caused us emotional and physical disorientation.

We face recovery with fear and believe that if we do try, we will ultimately fail. We do not consider that, through those failures, there will be more instances of prosperity. We are in a state of dismay, in case we let ourselves down and end up relapsing; being worst off then we were before the “recovery”. So, what do we do? We turn off our rational mind and we decide that continuing down a self destructive road is what we feel is best. We don’t want to let ourselves down, so isn’t this the best option?

No. It’s not.

All you have to do is try www.teenlifequotes.com

All you have to do is try. source: http://www.teenlifequotes.com

We had enough courage to even consider recovery and that was astonishing. It was a step in the right direction to our human desire of finally being happy, and being free from our self-destruction. We decided to neglect this idea because it’s too “far out”, we didn’t find ourselves deserving or able, or “we just aren’t ready”. Considering recovery is being ready. Maybe not in our full form of comfort but we have already begun the recovery process and we have a belief it will work. With trying comes a positive result.

And if we have faith in this recovery, yet are hit with a heavy situation that knocks us down and makes coping very complicated, we may want to relapse. Wanting to relapse is a very natural thing in recovery, but those who keep working at it that will see success. We, in the moment, no matter how intense or calm, are in control of our actions and behaviours. We MUST remain in control at all times and not lose focus of our goal.

Evaluating the situation in question can also help us learn to deal with things in a healthier manner. We can assess, by considering all factors of the boulder that’s landed in front of us, whether this was self-induced or a natural life event that was out of our control. Being cheated on and having someone you know commit suicide is not your fault, but becoming homeless because you didn’t pay your bills, couldn’t maintain income due to neglect, lack of proper maintenance or loss of job is something you have control over.

Why try? Because life GETS GOOD WHEN WE TRY and EVEN BETTER when we KEEP TRYING and REFUSE TO GIVE UP! The SOMETHING that happens that destroys our life is OUR DECISION TO RELAPSE. The THING that REALLY BREAKS US and causes us to bottom-out emotionally and spiritually is a BROKEN PROMISE to ourselves… the promise we made at the start of recovery.

Out-Of-Control DBT-CBT Workbook, Melanie Gordon Sheet, PhD. (Chapter 3 – Pathways To Recovery. P 82)

Learning to maintain our life when times get tough is extremely important to keep things from falling apart. In the Out-Of-Control DBT-CBT workbook, written by Melanie Gordon Sheets, PhD. helps in teaching recovery maintenance by concentration on utmost priorities that take place in our lives. We can expect ourselves to maintain  decent hygiene and fulfilling life’s daily requirements, attending our therapeutic events (which we will need in this time), though we will not overwork ourselves by putting our energy in the extras, and having everything topple over, leading us to yet another relapse.

In crisis, where relapse feels right at your finger tips, you can employ many simple but potent coping strategies to bring you out of that state and continue on the recovery path. Utilizing a coping kit or deep breathing techniques are popular choices, though, you can practice hobbies, go to positive social events (tea, bowling, etc.) or craft on your own in solidarity.

(see Coping Kit On The Go https://slothspeedrecovery.wordpress.com/2016/06/15/coping-kit-on-the-go/ )

Though we may have days in which we are down and feel as though we cannot keep working at this recovery, that it is tiring us out, we should never give up on it. By giving up, we bring ourselves further from our goal and we will let ourselves down, lowering our self-esteem. You are capable of recovery, just like the thousands of others that have accomplished it and are living happy lives, despite their past circumstances and experiences.

Trying is to first step towards a long and healthy life.

Be mindful and ask yourself, “What will best help my recovery right now?”